


the memoir of you

by sseundalkhom



Series: The Garland [11]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: the repentance can’t help. he won’t come back no matter how much he pray and tell his pathetic remorse to the heaven.





	the memoir of you

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to bap - what my heart tells me to do   
> so i guess don't read if you can't bear the angst

 

_“….I know your love well_

_but I guess it’s not for me..”_  

 

 

Everything seems helpless. Everything looks useless. He never gets used to living alone. The laughter he used to hear before, it has gone and will never come back. Even after the chance of being reborn again, he is doubt the opportunity to meet his person again. He wastes the moment when they were together. Seeing how much he played with the former’s heart, he never took care it well. He made him cry.

He is staring at the empty space of his room. Space where he used to see the person smiling at him only—it makes a huge hole inside him. He never gets used to longing him. He never gets used to coming home and never greeted with a warm smile.

A pretty voice, a heartwarming smile, a big support for his days; Soonyoung lose it since last year when a call from the hospital told him, his fiancé couldn’t make it. He had no idea back then. Because Seokmin ever told him nothing. Because he was the expert at hiding something well. Even his disease. The disease which caused by him.

“Seokmin,” he cries out. The weak call from the elder’s lips. But it becomes the unanswered calling. No one will come out and respond his sorrowful cry.

The elder hugs his knee, silently sobbing hard. He really misses that male. The one who would wrap his arm around him, no matter how annoying he would be. The one who always told Soonyoung that he loved him back then. The one who kissed him when the storm came in, intruding his sleep.

The one who Soonyoung hurt the most.

If only—he can turn back to the old days, where he was still with Seokmin. He would say ‘I love you’ sincerely. He would not cheat on him. He would devote himself to him. He was supposed to do that.

But it is too late. Since it has been a year living without Seokmin. Since it has been a year to live with the vestige of his.

The vestige that he left behind is the video of Seokmin’s singing. The ballad playlist Soonyoung put on a loop on his phone. Without saying ‘I love you, Kwon Soonyoung’ anymore, it hurts him more. It saddens him the most. Because he finally knows how much cruel he was toward his own fiancé. He should not have cheated with the cousin of Seokmin.

No matter how many times he tried to regret everything, it would not make Seokmin comeback and he knows it too well.

To a greater extent when he goes to church and begs for the forgiveness from Heaven, his prayer for Seokmin is never granted. Like he has done a big sin in his life, his deeds seem unforgivable. As well as his plea.

“Seokmin, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, _again_. At this rate, he will look miserable, just like how every day he faces after that day. Saying sorry although it becomes ignored again.

His mind wanders back to one video where Seokmin is singing for him, a good song which makes him cry harder. A good song which evokes a poignant memoir how the late fiancé knew his affair behind him. A good song where the late fiancé telling Soonyoung that Seokmin knew his heart well until he realised, the love itself wasn’t made for him.

The good song that makes Soonyoung want to travel back in time and tells the young Soonyoung to keep loving Seokmin only, to prevent any remorse in the future.

As the crying becomes harder, the rain comes again and brings the painful memory of those golden days when in his time, Seokmin was the apple of his eyes. The one who will never come back even after many prayers are sent right to the Heaven.


End file.
